Erin (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} double_ee) wrote,@ 2005-08-17 14:53:00 |
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Mr. Heckles 2.0
So, much like Monica and Rachel, I have a creepy guy who lives in my building. Instead of living directly below me, he lives two floors up; and although he's not creepy in the same way, I kind of think my creepy neighbor would win the creepy race. He's just so ridiculous that I have to write it down.
I blame my dad, really. He's one of those people who has to talk to absolutely EVERYONE (much to the chagrin of Emily (my sister) and me). So, the day we're moving me into the building, my dad befriends John (a.k.a., Creepy Creeperson or Mr. Heckles 2.0), the old guy - and when I say old, I mean he has to be around 70, who lives on the 5th floor. For the first two months I lived here, I would see him around the building or outside every once in a while, and he was friendly, in a neighborly or grandpa-like way. Fine. I mean, he pinched my cheek a couple of times, causing extreme flashes of rage, but I was willing to let it go.
Then, about two weeks ago, everything flipped upside down. I bumped into him on my way out (and I was _clearly_ on the way out), and he asked if I wanted to "see that Tom Cruise War of the Worlds movie some afternoon." Note, that at the time he originally asked, he made some comment, in what I took to be a complete joke, that it wasn't a date and he knew I have a boyfriend (I never told him I had a boyfriend, but I certainly wasn't going to deny it at that point). I basically said, whatever, I have to go, and I figured nothing would ever come of it. Which... was unfortunately totally wrong.
Last Friday around five, I was sitting in my apartment, waiting to leave to be over at my friends' apartment (Charlotte and Travis) around six to hang out and have dinner; and then someone buzzed me from the lobby. I had no clue who it could be, since anyone I know would never be spontaneous enough to just show up. Of course, it was Creepy. He was buzzing me from the lobby to ask me if I wanted to "see that movie one day next week?" Me: "What day?" Him: "Thursday." I thought about it, and decided that if I said no, he would just pick another day. Also, at the time I thought he was just a lonely old man and it was just an afternoon movie. So I said yes (dun dun dunnnnn). Then he said he was on his way to the store, but he would stop by later. I said fine, thinking that by the time he came back I would already be gone. Wrong again. He came by about 20 minutes later, sort of pushed his way into my apartment and got comfortable on the couch. Anyone who knows how protective I am of my personal space will know how much this bothered me. But don't worry - it gets worse.
He stayed in my apartment FOR AN HOUR, just telling me all about himself. Somehow along the way, an afternoon movie turned into dinner and a movie (I'm not really sure how he did that on me). Also, in the course of the conversation, he managed to reveal what a bigot he is (he doesn't like either "the blacks" or "the Hispanics" - his words, NOT mine - who live in the building, and he has a special place in his heart of hate for gay men, and you can just imagine what he calls them). But the worst part of ALL (so far) was that he felt that this meet and greet was the appropriate time to tell me all about his recent sex-capades. No, I'm not kidding. My seventy year old neighbor barged into my house and told me all about his SEX LIFE. Which he so eloquently referred to as "screwing." ARRGH!!!
After an hour, he said, "Well, I've told you all about myself, tell me a little about you." I said, "I"m 25, I have a brother and a sister who are 22, and I'm late for dinner at my friend's apartment." This got him to leave finally. I went over to Charlotte and Travis's, we had a good laugh at my expense (I must admit, I love laughing at myself), and they basically told me he was a lonely old man and totally harmless, which I kind of agreed with... on Friday.
But then Sunday came. Around 12:45 someone knocked on my door. I had just showered, and still had wet hair and everything, and I knew it was Creepy (since it's not like I have all kinds of visitors, especially the kind that don't need to buzz from the lobby), and I decided I just wouldn't answer the door. Then, an hour later - on the dot - he knocked again. I ignored it again. At that point, he immediately went down to the lobby and buzzed my apartment. All I could think was OMG, I have a geriatric stalker. He knocked on my door every hour from 12:45 until 4:45. I thought it was over, but then at around 9:30 he buzzed me from the lobby. AGAIN. And this time it was a really long and loud buzz, like he was being really aggressive with the button. By this point in time he had lost any sympathy I ever had with him.
Oh, but it's not over yet. Monday morning I went to run some errands, and I found a note on my door, asking me to call him when I got home the night before. When I eventually called later on Monday (mostly to cancel Thursday's "date" (blech), rather than actually see what he wanted), he told me it was no big deal, it's just that there was something he wanted to watch on ESPN on Sunday night and he doesn't have cable. Oh. My. God. I realize that not everyone is as protective of their tv-watching as I am, but come ON. Like I was just going to let him come in here and hang out and control my tv? What the fuck? So then I canceled Thursday, and he took it really well. He just said, "Okay, fine, just let me know when you want to do it," and I said, "Okay, BYE!" thinking how totally ridiculous it was that I had to cancel plans with this person.
No, not quite the end. Monday afternoon, around 5, another knock on my door. I answered it, and Creepy wanted to know if I wanted to have dinner that evening, since I couldn't go out on Thursday. I told him that I already had plans (total lie). He said, "You're busy every night," like he was _accusing_ me of something. I put on my best bitch-face and said, "I'm actually a really busy girl." That got him to leave (or, probably the bitch-face did), and that's the last I've heard from him, but I wouldn't be surprised if this saga continues later.
Wow, long entry. Now I need a nap or a snack or something.
So, much like Monica and Rachel, I have a creepy guy who lives in my building. Instead of living directly below me, he lives two floors up; and although he's not creepy in the same way, I kind of think my creepy neighbor would win the creepy race. He's just so ridiculous that I have to write it down.
I blame my dad, really. He's one of those people who has to talk to absolutely EVERYONE (much to the chagrin of Emily (my sister) and me). So, the day we're moving me into the building, my dad befriends John (a.k.a., Creepy Creeperson or Mr. Heckles 2.0), the old guy - and when I say old, I mean he has to be around 70, who lives on the 5th floor. For the first two months I lived here, I would see him around the building or outside every once in a while, and he was friendly, in a neighborly or grandpa-like way. Fine. I mean, he pinched my cheek a couple of times, causing extreme flashes of rage, but I was willing to let it go.
Then, about two weeks ago, everything flipped upside down. I bumped into him on my way out (and I was _clearly_ on the way out), and he asked if I wanted to "see that Tom Cruise War of the Worlds movie some afternoon." Note, that at the time he originally asked, he made some comment, in what I took to be a complete joke, that it wasn't a date and he knew I have a boyfriend (I never told him I had a boyfriend, but I certainly wasn't going to deny it at that point). I basically said, whatever, I have to go, and I figured nothing would ever come of it. Which... was unfortunately totally wrong.
Last Friday around five, I was sitting in my apartment, waiting to leave to be over at my friends' apartment (Charlotte and Travis) around six to hang out and have dinner; and then someone buzzed me from the lobby. I had no clue who it could be, since anyone I know would never be spontaneous enough to just show up. Of course, it was Creepy. He was buzzing me from the lobby to ask me if I wanted to "see that movie one day next week?" Me: "What day?" Him: "Thursday." I thought about it, and decided that if I said no, he would just pick another day. Also, at the time I thought he was just a lonely old man and it was just an afternoon movie. So I said yes (dun dun dunnnnn). Then he said he was on his way to the store, but he would stop by later. I said fine, thinking that by the time he came back I would already be gone. Wrong again. He came by about 20 minutes later, sort of pushed his way into my apartment and got comfortable on the couch. Anyone who knows how protective I am of my personal space will know how much this bothered me. But don't worry - it gets worse.
He stayed in my apartment FOR AN HOUR, just telling me all about himself. Somehow along the way, an afternoon movie turned into dinner and a movie (I'm not really sure how he did that on me). Also, in the course of the conversation, he managed to reveal what a bigot he is (he doesn't like either "the blacks" or "the Hispanics" - his words, NOT mine - who live in the building, and he has a special place in his heart of hate for gay men, and you can just imagine what he calls them). But the worst part of ALL (so far) was that he felt that this meet and greet was the appropriate time to tell me all about his recent sex-capades. No, I'm not kidding. My seventy year old neighbor barged into my house and told me all about his SEX LIFE. Which he so eloquently referred to as "screwing." ARRGH!!!
After an hour, he said, "Well, I've told you all about myself, tell me a little about you." I said, "I"m 25, I have a brother and a sister who are 22, and I'm late for dinner at my friend's apartment." This got him to leave finally. I went over to Charlotte and Travis's, we had a good laugh at my expense (I must admit, I love laughing at myself), and they basically told me he was a lonely old man and totally harmless, which I kind of agreed with... on Friday.
But then Sunday came. Around 12:45 someone knocked on my door. I had just showered, and still had wet hair and everything, and I knew it was Creepy (since it's not like I have all kinds of visitors, especially the kind that don't need to buzz from the lobby), and I decided I just wouldn't answer the door. Then, an hour later - on the dot - he knocked again. I ignored it again. At that point, he immediately went down to the lobby and buzzed my apartment. All I could think was OMG, I have a geriatric stalker. He knocked on my door every hour from 12:45 until 4:45. I thought it was over, but then at around 9:30 he buzzed me from the lobby. AGAIN. And this time it was a really long and loud buzz, like he was being really aggressive with the button. By this point in time he had lost any sympathy I ever had with him.
Oh, but it's not over yet. Monday morning I went to run some errands, and I found a note on my door, asking me to call him when I got home the night before. When I eventually called later on Monday (mostly to cancel Thursday's "date" (blech), rather than actually see what he wanted), he told me it was no big deal, it's just that there was something he wanted to watch on ESPN on Sunday night and he doesn't have cable. Oh. My. God. I realize that not everyone is as protective of their tv-watching as I am, but come ON. Like I was just going to let him come in here and hang out and control my tv? What the fuck? So then I canceled Thursday, and he took it really well. He just said, "Okay, fine, just let me know when you want to do it," and I said, "Okay, BYE!" thinking how totally ridiculous it was that I had to cancel plans with this person.
No, not quite the end. Monday afternoon, around 5, another knock on my door. I answered it, and Creepy wanted to know if I wanted to have dinner that evening, since I couldn't go out on Thursday. I told him that I already had plans (total lie). He said, "You're busy every night," like he was _accusing_ me of something. I put on my best bitch-face and said, "I'm actually a really busy girl." That got him to leave (or, probably the bitch-face did), and that's the last I've heard from him, but I wouldn't be surprised if this saga continues later.
Wow, long entry. Now I need a nap or a snack or something.
