Random stuff from really old emails
Remember the days when you didn't cringe every time you saw "FW" preceding a subject line in your inbox?  These would be the early college years for me, and I was always entertained when someone sent me a forward of funny quotes or a silly list.  Well, I was going through some old folders this afternoon, and found a stack of old emails I had printed out.  Since I'm trying to cut down on excess papers in my house, I will immortalize the parts of these emails worth immortalizing here, for your reading pleasure.

Kinda Creepy:
In Back to the Future II (the worst of the three), Biff goes to the future and steals a Sports Almanac and then goes back tot he past to give it to young Biff.  As we all know, young Biff was able to become very wealthy by betting on games in which he already knew the final score.  In an obscure line you hear young Biff say, "Florida is going to win the World Series in 1997?  Yeah, right."  This movie came out in 1987 - ten years before the Marlins actually did win the World Series.  And the weirdest part is that Florida didn't even have a baseball team in 1987.
[Notes:  When I first got this email in 1997, I was totally wigged out.  The part that totally got me was that Florida hadn't had a baseball team in 1987.  Of course, now I realize that, for all I know, they were already negotiating to buy the Marlins (or, you know, however places get sports teams).  Still, it's a weird coincidence that they actually did win in 1997.]

Ironic Celebrity Deaths
1.  Charleton Heston - Shot by an ape cleaning its semi-automatic "hunting rifle."
2.  Susan Lucci - Tripped and broke her neck while running up steps to accept her Emmy.  [See how dated this is?]
3.  Inappropriate because he actually did die.
4.  Alanis Morisette - Killed just after winning the lottery at age 98, in a car accident during a traffic jam on her own rainy wedding day while recovering a prepaid free ride from three women who look just like her but with worse hair.  [Okay, it's not even funny, and yet, I laugh.]
5.  Inappropriate because she actually did die.
6.  Inappropriate because he actually did die.
7.  Keith Richards - Natural Causes.
8.  Al Gore - Dutch Elm Disease.
9.  Gallagher - Killed by Smashing Pumpkins.
10.  Keanu Reeves - Brain Tumor.
[Okay, yes, the whole list is inappropriate, and not that funny, but come on - Keanu Reeves, brain tumor?  You know you want to laugh a little.]

Things We Would Never Know Without the Movies (an extremely abbreviated version of the original list):
- If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year.  [Fugitive shout-out].
- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
- Kitchens don't need light switches.  When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.  [This has *always* bothered me.]
- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.  [Good thing for Jack Bauer...]
- When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
- If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know the steps.  [Hell yeah, Fame!]

And finally, the last addition to this ridiculous entry is something from an email from my friend Ryan Samul, to whom I haven't spoken since I was 19, and who I kind of forgot existed, but was, actually, quite funny.  He created a list of tips to keep warm in the winter, and here is my favorite one:
"If flying over the Andes Mountains this winter season, bring along plenty of extra Paraguayan soccer players, 'just in case.'"